all sorts of stuffs

i know you're just dying to know - the results of my mri were clear. there was something about a slight somethingerother being visible, but that it shouldn't have any effect on anything. so i went to the doctor and he said i could stop taking meds. and he said "call us if you need us". so now all that's entering my body other than food and water is a multivitamin, and it feels GREAT!! i mean, i wasn't really all that drugged up, but i still hated taking medicine. of course, today everything hurts - including my teeth. so maybe i DO need some lyrica afterall....hmm......

in other news, it was confirmed to us last night that our apartment-mate did, indeed, commit suicide. dangit! and coincidentally, the friend who encouraged us in small group emailed us today with some words from her dad when she talked to him about our story. he said i could post them, and instead of picking and choosing what to post, i'm just going to post the whole thing. i hope it encourages you like it did us:

This scenario is always used by Baptists to strike fear and guilt into people so
that they use every opportunity possible to present the Gospel and get people
into the life-boat . I'm sure it is very difficult to process when
it is more than just a discussion. Do you remember this speech?

1. It is not your fault.
2. It is your fault.

You have to keep both of these truths if you are going to get through this Biblically.

It is not your fault.

Every person has a journey. This is easy to prove Biblically. Take any character of scripture and see how their life was woven together by God. A person does not die before his time nor can days be added to his life. These are easy texts to find. Therefore, once one accepts the sovereignty of God over life and death, it is possible to put a death, and untimely as it might seem to us, in his providence. Nor does one know what happened in that person's heart and mind even seconds before his death. To assume that a person was not saved because of our inaction is the pathway to self-sabotage. We will never be able to bear the burden that only God can bear. Share in his sorrow over the lost, perhaps, but we do not save nor can we prevent him from saving – yes, even without us. And a person is condemned not because of the hesitation of Christ's ambassadors, but because of his own sin. Therefore, one may rest in the loving-kindness of God, and trust that He is able to do even when we are not willing. It is not your fault. In fact, living in a world-view that says, "It is my fault." is to rob oneself of any hope of being an ambassador of the true gospel for it undermines the only truth that saves which is, "Only God can save."

It is your fault.

The above argument is only the first step toward a healthy world view. If one is not moved to compassion for the lost, if one cannot stop for the helpless, nor care for the unloved, then he/she has not understood the gospel. I would never stand in the way of someone feeling remorse for sins of omission. By sins of omission we mean all those things which by the positive understanding of the moral law we ought to do but do not. It is in fact these sins that turn our volumes of sin into the library of congress
of sin. When we fail to love, we fail the gospel because love is the final apologetic. It should hurt. It should make us repent. But most importantly it should drive us, in all our inadequacy, back to the adequacy of Christ. I think that it is fair to say that if a remorse over a sin of omission causes us to retreat into self absorption and regret, that it is not a repentance unto life. I believe it is of the devil. The devil would have us believe that because we failed, we are failures and not loved by God. In this way we embrace a sorrow that leads to death. The truth is that we are sin-sick AND that we are loved by God. In this way we can embrace a repentance unto life.

In conclusion,

We rest in the fact that this person's death was sovereignly determined before the beginning of time by God. He died EXACTLY when he was supposed to die. We repent with a view towards loving people more, loving Christ more, and embracing the Gospel more.

So that, as we are conformed more and more unto the likeness of Christ, the next time a neighbor grabs hold of our leg, we won't shake him off. Even so, we will fail again, and we will run back to Him again. Repent, Believe, Fight, Repent, Believe, Fight, … such is the rhythm of our walk with Christ.

praise the Lord for wise words!!!

in other news, we're going over their apartment (the friend whose dad said the above) tonight to watch LOST. holy smokes! neither of us have ever watched an episode, we have both always wanted to because of everything everyone has been saying about it, and we've been wanting to hang out with these people more! joy! we don't own a tv. it's going to be weird to watch 2 hours (we're going over early to watch last week's episode!) of television when we're not at either of our parents' houses!! they suggested that we watch the 8 minute and 15 second recap of all seasons - it's quite impressive, and pretty hilarious.

this is my favorite picture today: