November 21, 2006

from the devil

well, i have decided. and i'm thinking about making it official and registering this complaint with the official complaint filers. doughnuts are from the devil. no really! here's why: you look at them and they look so delicious. you ignore their delicious appearance and continue on with your morning. sitting at your computer, no one walks by in the hallways, no one calls in on the phones, no one is sending you emails, no one needs you to do anything for them. then you hear it. "hello?!" you cringe at the smooth-evil in the voice that keeps calling to you, not constantly, just periodically. but you resist.

"hello?" you hear it again! your muscles tense, your ears ring, your body aches. then you realize the worst. you have to get up to make copies. the enemy is in the workroom that you must pass through to get to the copy room. argh! taking a deep breath, you convince yourself that you are not susceptible to the enemies strategies. "hello? i will make you happy." his voice is sweet, but you are strong!!

with the copy machine whirring, your coworkers bantering, and your stomach growling, you conitnue to feed the copier. as you walk into the workroom to staple, the enemy nearby, the unthinkable happens! the enemy releases toxic fumes into your air field! they are hypnotizing. they are intoxicating. they are deadly. they are the fumes of the doughnut. you look over at the box, and you realize you are finished. once eye contact is established, the enemy has won.

as you sink your teeth into the slightly crispy on the outside, soft and chewey on the inside, the lie conitnues to resonate in your brain. "only i can make you happy." your eyes closed, the sugar rushing through your veins, you declare that only while eating doughnuts will you ever be happy. but your conscious isn't dead yet. you still think that maybe, just maybe, this doughnut could be bad for you. maybe the slight film of grease that it leaves on the roof of your mouth might be bad for your arteries. maybe the time that it spent in the deep fryer is time that you will spend on the eliptical, regretting every cursed bite. but all that matters is that blessed crispy chewiness.

from the devil i'm telling you.

the funniest part about the above story is that i kept misspelling "doughnut" like "doughbut"...weird.

in other news, i was awake this morning at 4:40. couldn't sleep. could only pray for dustin and my dear friends. so that was good - prayer is so good, people!! then i realized it was stinking hot in the room. so i closed the heat vent. then i remembered that we had a gas heat pump for the entire, old building. then i decided i was short of breath and naseous - the signs of carbon monoxide poisoning. *sigh* chris was stirring almost as much as i was, so i knew he was awake too. our downstairs neighbor was burning her insence (GROSS!) which apparently woke him up. i got up and read my daily devotional and tried to eat some cereal. still feeling weird, i went on the back porch in the freezing cold and breathed. better! i decided if chris was still awake and feeling weird, we would both hang out on the porch to see if we both felt better. he was, and he was, so we did. after we shiverred and laughed at ourselves for about as long as we could stand, we went to wal-mart. it was 5:30 am. hooray! it felt like college. and what else would we be going for except a carbon monoxide detector. fun! we got home, set it up, and it was silent. darn insence. we might say something to her about it...

in still other news, i get to leave work at 2 today! and we have tomorrow, thursday and friday off!!! oh blessed school hours! how i love you!!

happy thanksgiving everyone.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

donuts are the devil? after all the hard work me, rief and the others put into rescuing them from the dumpster, this is what you have to say about them?

10:59 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

ps - the above comment was made by your favorite guy named Hanes

11:00 PM  
Blogger lyndsayslaten said...

HOW COULD I FORGET!!!!!!!!! oh man, no way were those from the devil. they were straight from heaven!! :)

5:25 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

your writing is SO cute :-)


ps... pass the donuts.

10:20 PM  
Blogger Yancy said...

I thoroughly enjoy your postings.

3:09 PM  
Blogger Muddy said...

Lyndsay, I just wanted you to know that I really enjoy your blog. You have a great writing style and so many of your stories remind me of our first year of marriage (close to 20 yrs ago)

Muddy aka Kitty of Andyland

6:54 PM  
Blogger Jill said...

if you play the words "Krispy Kreme" backwards on the record player it says "SATAN, SATAN, SATAN!"

9:57 PM  

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