August 10, 2010

cry me a river

it's 12:20 am on tuesday...or i guess really it's wednesday at this point. orientation for school starts tomorr...i mean, today, and i am LOSING MY MIND. i haven't cried this much in a long, long time. i can't believe i agreed to go back to work part time. my entire life - all 31 years - i have always said that it's my dream, my goal, my plan to STAY HOME once i had kids. a couple of years ago, i started this job teaching preschool. when my boss passed around the little survey saying, "where do you see yourself in 5 years?" i went to write "at home with my kids", but paused. for the first time in my life, i paused and said, "whoa! i don't know if i want to be home with my kids! i LOVE this job!!!" which is GREAT! it is so good that i love my job. right? yes.
well, last year when i got pregnant, i decided that i would go back to work part time as a little compromise. WHAT WAS I THINKING????????????? why would i ever want to take time away from spending with my kid to spend it with other people's kids?

i know it will be good for me, good for shepard, good for the grandmas that are keeping him. but the thing that's getting me is that he is just SO young. not even 3 months. i wish i had told them that i would come back part time once shepard was, like, 4 months or something. GAH! this is so hard. the hardest thing i've done in a while...if not ever done.

just LOOK at this guy!! why am i leaving him??????? he is JUST starting to settle into a nice routine.

note: if my boss or any of my co-workers read this, know that i'm super emotional, and remember that i'm completely sleep deprived. my next blog post will probably be about how much i love being back at work and how shepard is doing beautifully with his new schedule. i'm just saying...!

freaking out about haley!!! sorry girl. :)

i'm worried. i think he's joined a gang!!

hanging out with dad before he leaves for work!

i'm such a bad mom. i wanted a picture of him in his awesome baseball outfit, and he really didn't want one...but i took it anyway. sorry buddy!!

oh no...why is this sideways???? turn your head and just LOOK at that smile!! he's just so proud about busting out of his swaddling AGAIN.


swinging with daddy!





Post a Comment

<< Home